Toko Shiiki

“Now or Never” Series


I captured the first shot of this series on a day when I had recalled a very difficult childhood memory. It stuck inside me like a sharp knife. After a while, I felt numbness in my body and it was very hard to do anything. However, I needed to shoot some images for a school homework assignment. So I pushed myself to photograph without thinking much. The theme of the assignment was “Time”. I used a Holga (a plastic toy camera) and opened the shutter for a long time in a small dim room, and recorded myself on film. Not sure of what the outcome would be, I was very surprised when I first glimpsed the negative — I felt I had captured a self portrait of me as both an adult and child…

This is my internal journey with my little self, to reconcile my present with my past, something I’ve neglected for a long time. And I’ve been wondering… “Who connected the time?” “Where will they go?”.

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